When we look at ourselves in the mirror, what do we see? Our own reflection. But when you look closely, you will see the person who holds our heart. We let them hold it because even if they don’t return it, they will still be the only one who can have it. And we don’t want it any other way.
It’s been three years since Jin last saw Junno. Three years of heart ache, longing, dreaming, that one day he will find the captor of his heart.
He changed in those years of being separated from his other half. Yes, his other half.
He never looked nor tasted another person since he admitted to himself that Junno was the one for him. He used his smarts to go forward, to better himself, to be worthy and deserving of his love.
He matured over those years. Went away to prove himself to his family and to Junno’s, so that when he finds him, they can be together.
He went to the city to find a job in a prestigious company. And got hired. He has never been so proud of himself. But it was a proud that will make Junno accept him.
It has been a month since he started working for that company when he bumped into somebody. Both were saying sorry for the bump, but took their breaths away when they saw who the other was. “Junno…” “Jin…”
Jin wanted to say something, but was stopped by another voice. A female voice. “Junno… sweetheart, are you ok?” His eyes grew wide from surprise. He never thought that it was possible for the other to find another love after him. The girl held Junno by his arms and dusted him off. And it hurt so much to see such action. And the blush on Junno’s face didn’t help either. He didn’t know how to react. All he could do was bow, say sorry again, and ran towards the stairwell of the building.
He ran all the way to the top of the roof and cried his heart out. He can’t believe that Junno already forgot about him. And now, he had found someone to replace him. He never went back inside the building. He stayed out there and watched the sun disappear behind the tall buildings while smoking. His hands were shaking, his heart was breaking, his head aching of what he should do. What should he do?
Faith was really cruel to him again. The head of the department he was on that he didn’t get to meet on his first day was out then. And now one of his co-workers mentioned that HE, while Junno was walking towards the closed office, was their department head. Good thing he didn’t see him for he still does not know what to do. It hurts him that the previous girl was following him towards the office. And for the whole day, work was really hard.
Faith must really be not on his side. Punishing him for what he had done to the other. Every new employee had to make a presentation to the head of the department to find new ways of selling/promoting their current product. Jin was a nervous wreck. They were given one week before the presentation. Which means, he had to, have to face Junno. And that alone made him think if he will resign before the said presentation.
Days went by in a flash. The day before the presentation, Jin was walking down the hall when he overheard a conversation between a boy and a girl. He was not stupid not to recognize the male voice, but was too stunned to even move when the girl said that he had to be responsible for her current situation.
Everything right before he’s eyes crumbled. Every dream, aspiration and goals for Junno just crumpled down.
His eyes began to water. His feet were rooted on the floor. And when the door suddenly opened, the two, who were having the conversation, was shock to find him by the door.
They all stared in silence. Jin was holding back his tears, Junno can’t even move his mouth, and the girl was pale white from embarrassment.
Jin took the initiative to bow and walk off. Starting slow then ran as fast as he could. He kept running and running till he was out of the building. He kept running with tears in his eyes. ‘So this is how Junno felt when he sees me with other people. I’m sorry Junno. I’m sorry.’
He stopped in a park, a few blocks from their building and cried. After a few hours, he came back to the office, sat on his chair, scribbled some words on a paper, stood up, walked to his department head, gave the envelope to a shocked Junno, bowed and left.
Junno picked up the envelope that says “Resignation Letter of Akanishi Jin.”
He opened it with shaking hands. And it read like this…
Junno,
After so many years of looking for you, you now stood in front of me, safe and sound. Having next to you the person you love, and your unborn.
It makes me happy to see you moved on. And now, you are happy. And I wish that happiness will never end. You deserve it. I know I can never give that to you. I now fully understand why you left and never said good bye.
I hope time will come, that you will be able to forgive this stupid friend of yours. Your friend who found out after you left that it hurts. It hurts to realize that there was a sudden space in his heart because you were no longer there. You took a piece of his heart with you. And when he thought of finding the holder, he also thought to get a piece of the holders’ heart to replace what he took. ‘Coz it was only right, because I wanted to, he wanted to capture the heart of his captor as well.
I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m sorry for hurting you. I deserve all of the hurt I feel right now, because I was mean to you.
I’m sorry I have to leave you now, even if I wasn’t given the chance to talk to you. To say these words to you face to face like you did to me. But still, I want you to know… I Love You.
Good Bye,
Jin
Junno crumpled the paper and harshly placed it inside his pocket. He took his coat and ran out.
Time flew so fast after Jin left the office. He was now standing at the play ground where he and Junno had always been talking when their friends weren’t around. He sat on the swing, looking around. The place was empty like his heart.
Tears ran down not stopping. He can’t and he won’t let it stop until he feels there were no more tears to fall. He’s empty heart feels like it was breaking into more pieces every time he plays in his mind that Junno will never return. Never to him.
The sky took pity on him, he guessed. For the grey clouds started to form above. Thunder roared, and rain drops started to fall.
He didn’t stand up to cover from the rain, but he let himself get soaked.
A lone figure, as wet as he was, stood in front of him. Panting like he ran a mile to get there. He looked up and saw a face he thought he will not get to see again.
The said man took out a crumpled paper and threw it on his lap. He took the paper and immediately knew what it was. He looked up at the said man again.
He saw his reflection on their other’s eyes. He saw a loving reflection like his own. He saw his missing heart on his captor’s eyes.
When his breathing was even, he took one deep breath and said, “I never stopped loving you. And never have I loved another but you Jin.”
“What about her?”
“She wanted me, even though I said to her that you were the only one for me. And the child is not mine, but someone else’s. ‘Coz I can never touch anyone, because you're the only one I want.”
They looked at each other silently. Love shinning from each other’s eyes. Even with the hard down fall cannot hide the loving glow they have for each other.
“I Love You Jin.”
“I Love You Junno.”
